Radiology Wife: US Arts 131 (Ultrasound Appreciation)

September 29, 2011

Since ultrasounds are like opera but better, why are there no college classes offered in Ultrasound Appreciation alongside the other cultural arts? Since they don't yet exist I guess I should just offer a class myself. So here is the syllabus; let me know if you want to attend.

Ultrasound. As far as I understand (which is always debatable) ultrasound is high pitch sound that creates a picture. The picture is kind of unclear and you don't always know what you are looking at, but with a little experience you can figure things out.

Like opera, right? High pitched noises, not really sure what is going on, but eventually becoming clear (kind of).

Women like both of these things: ultrasounds and opera. Ultrasounds however, distinguish themselves by possessing the magical powers of showing us our unborn children. Ding! We have a winner!

So my question is this, since ultrasounds are like opera but better, why are there no college classes offered in Ultrasound Appreciation alongside the other cultural arts? I would sign up! But since they don't yet exist (and I'm sure there are so many people who feel the way I do) I guess I should just offer a class myself. After all, I am the Radiology Wife. Clearly qualified!

So here is the syllabus; let me know if you want to attend:

US Arts 131 (Ultrasound Appreciation)

US Arts 131 is a no-credit course taught by the Radiology Wife and is open to those pursuing degrees as well as to anyone else. There are no prerequisites and of course no degrees issued either.

This class will teach you important skills, such as debating thermal effects issues, selecting the proper probe and being able to distinguish between male and female infants in ultrasound photos. We will accomplish this through a combination of in-class ultrasounds (staged), Googling information, and field trips.

The required textbook is Ultrasound: The Requisites, 2nd ed., by William Middleton and is available on Amazon.com. I picked this edition because the author has the same last name as Princess Kate Middleton (and she did pretty well for herself). I am guessing that just holding this book will make you feel more informed about the topic and carrying it around will make other people think similarly lofty thoughts of you.

Because observation is central to this course, laminated photographs will be issued to the class of cute ultrasound babies. Carrying these around and showing them to strangers will further your love and appreciation for this art.

I don't do office hours so don't ask. If you are confused just go to Starbucks and read more of Middleton's book. As you might have guessed, grading will be purely subjective and wholly determined by me. There are no exams because after all you get no credit; but I will issue a grade because that's fun (for me).

There you have it. My class on Ultrasound Appreciation will be a hit if colleges ever decide to offer something like this. And that just goes to show radiologists one important thing. You guys do some fascinating work. It is mysterious and beautiful and while quite complicated, not completely illusive or unexplainable. Like the three Norns in Götterdämmerung (which I kind of understand because of opera appreciation class) but way, way less creepy!

And so I guess in my own way I want to encourage you to fall in love with what you do, and begin to instill that same adoration in others. Go radiology! I am ardently 100 percent.